[he nods at that, because Magnus has a point, and it was one Akira considered. there's another pause before he replies in which he picks up his mug of coffee and takes a sip, gaze distant and pensive]
Yeah. I knew that if I could get those answers from the directors that someone else could, too.
[his eyes narrow]
Even worse, Pinkie could be out there whispering these incentives and ore into people's ears each week, and we wouldn't even know it until we managed to catch a killer on Saturdays.
So in the end, maybe 45 did the right thing by outing it right away.
[he doesn't know, but he can at least say he was glad to see so many people immediately go FUCK NO]
I'm glad she did. I mean, fuck it. I think somebody's gonna kill this week no matter what we do. But the rest of us can be out here talking about what's next.
[hah. Magnus puts it so well that Akira can't help but smile again, even if it's tinged with exhaustion]
That's a good way to put it.
[his grip on his mug tightens]
No matter what happens this weekend, if we can get past it and figured out what's really going on in this camp, then we'll have this place torn down before the directors and Pinkie even know it.
[SOME OF US ARE PROTAGS AND HAVE TO COPE BY MAKING CONFIDENT HEROIC DECLARATIONS!!]
I don't want to think about any other option, either. The ending where only a few people win and can only take a few people home with them is bullshit.
[he hisses that word]
I'd say it's "all or nothing," but I'm not going to accept "nothing," either.
[you know what, sometimes you go through a murder game in a terrible eldritch castle and your sense of humor gets a little morbid?? so Akira just. laughs a breathless laugh, eyes flashing with fire and amusement, and lifts a fist for a brofist. fuck yeah!!!]
Aww, I just mean - all of this is wrong to me? It's the third one in a row, and every time I just want to say fuck it. I'm not a guy who's like. I'll do things I think are wrong if it's for a bigger reason.
[Getting real?]
If I wasn't partnered to Taako in the Reaper Game, if he didn't need me, I probably would have gone out swinging the first week, when somebody innocent got executed.
I know better now, I know we have to ride it out and live to the end, but if we do get there and it's not an outcome I can accept, I'm okay with dying over that. It's never scared me.
[he mulls that over for a few long seconds, looking. . . pensive]
I can only really speak for myself, but-- [breathes out as he chooses his words carefully]
I'm not naive. I know that despite what we're all saying, the deck might be way too stacked against us for us to overcome it. But if I think about that, or if I say, "but if we don't win then I'm okay with dying," then it feels like I'm letting my fear get to me.
Because I am afraid. Who wouldn't be. . .?
[a pause]
So I need to dedicate my all to fighting. I'm not the kind of guy who'll do something I believe is wrong for a bigger cause either-- [lol Akira doesn't know about his Reap self] -- but I am the kind of person who goes down swinging.
[which is why he doesn't let himself think about what might happen if all of their fighting winds up for naught]
[Yeah, and Akira doesn't need to know about his Reap self. It seems like it's better if he doesn't. Maybe he'll have to watch the movie sometime, but until then.]
We don't have to talk about losing, then. We can just plan on winning. I just don't want to half plan. I don't want to keep half my mind on how to salvage things if they go bad. I can't let friends of mine die, but I can't let everybody I knew from back there die either. If I can't do both, I just - I won't choose.
[. . . HECK. the way Akira kind of blinks in surprise at that compliment makes it clear that he isn't used to being told these sorts of things]
[a small flicker of guilt appears in his eyes as well, because. . . well. Magnus seems like a good guy. it kind of really sucks that he doesn't remember what they went through back in the Shibuya afterlife]
Well-- I, ah. . . thanks.
[sheepish!!]
I'd like to live up to what you remember of me while we're here, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah. I knew that if I could get those answers from the directors that someone else could, too.
[his eyes narrow]
Even worse, Pinkie could be out there whispering these incentives and ore into people's ears each week, and we wouldn't even know it until we managed to catch a killer on Saturdays.
So in the end, maybe 45 did the right thing by outing it right away.
[he doesn't know, but he can at least say he was glad to see so many people immediately go FUCK NO]
no subject
no subject
That's a good way to put it.
[his grip on his mug tightens]
No matter what happens this weekend, if we can get past it and figured out what's really going on in this camp, then we'll have this place torn down before the directors and Pinkie even know it.
no subject
[He's planning on it! The confident declarations are sort of. Scary.]
I don't exactly want to think about any other option, so I gotta agree.
no subject
I don't want to think about any other option, either. The ending where only a few people win and can only take a few people home with them is bullshit.
[he hisses that word]
I'd say it's "all or nothing," but I'm not going to accept "nothing," either.
no subject
[Is he being sarcastic? Apparently no?]
Yeah, I love it. I'm down!
no subject
Is that a promise?
no subject
Yeah, it is. It's about time!
[Everybody's talking about we'll win, but it's somehow easier for him to accept where there's a plan b, die. He's down to die!]
no subject
[god he hopes that never happens]
"It's about time?" What's that supposed to mean?
no subject
[Getting real?]
If I wasn't partnered to Taako in the Reaper Game, if he didn't need me, I probably would have gone out swinging the first week, when somebody innocent got executed.
I know better now, I know we have to ride it out and live to the end, but if we do get there and it's not an outcome I can accept, I'm okay with dying over that. It's never scared me.
no subject
[. . .]
[he mulls that over for a few long seconds, looking. . . pensive]
I can only really speak for myself, but-- [breathes out as he chooses his words carefully]
I'm not naive. I know that despite what we're all saying, the deck might be way too stacked against us for us to overcome it. But if I think about that, or if I say, "but if we don't win then I'm okay with dying," then it feels like I'm letting my fear get to me.
Because I am afraid. Who wouldn't be. . .?
[a pause]
So I need to dedicate my all to fighting. I'm not the kind of guy who'll do something I believe is wrong for a bigger cause either-- [lol Akira doesn't know about his Reap self] -- but I am the kind of person who goes down swinging.
[which is why he doesn't let himself think about what might happen if all of their fighting winds up for naught]
no subject
[Yeah, and Akira doesn't need to know about his Reap self. It seems like it's better if he doesn't. Maybe he'll have to watch the movie sometime, but until then.]
We don't have to talk about losing, then. We can just plan on winning. I just don't want to half plan. I don't want to keep half my mind on how to salvage things if they go bad. I can't let friends of mine die, but I can't let everybody I knew from back there die either. If I can't do both, I just - I won't choose.
no subject
[he does laugh though, another breathless sound laced with all of that exhaustion]
You're a tough guy, Magnus.
[he can't help but admire that]
So-- yeah. Let's plan on winning.
no subject
[So yeah, he agrees.]
no subject
[a small flicker of guilt appears in his eyes as well, because. . . well. Magnus seems like a good guy. it kind of really sucks that he doesn't remember what they went through back in the Shibuya afterlife]
Well-- I, ah. . . thanks.
[sheepish!!]
I'd like to live up to what you remember of me while we're here, too.