[SOME OF US ARE PROTAGS AND HAVE TO COPE BY MAKING CONFIDENT HEROIC DECLARATIONS!!]
I don't want to think about any other option, either. The ending where only a few people win and can only take a few people home with them is bullshit.
[he hisses that word]
I'd say it's "all or nothing," but I'm not going to accept "nothing," either.
[you know what, sometimes you go through a murder game in a terrible eldritch castle and your sense of humor gets a little morbid?? so Akira just. laughs a breathless laugh, eyes flashing with fire and amusement, and lifts a fist for a brofist. fuck yeah!!!]
Aww, I just mean - all of this is wrong to me? It's the third one in a row, and every time I just want to say fuck it. I'm not a guy who's like. I'll do things I think are wrong if it's for a bigger reason.
[Getting real?]
If I wasn't partnered to Taako in the Reaper Game, if he didn't need me, I probably would have gone out swinging the first week, when somebody innocent got executed.
I know better now, I know we have to ride it out and live to the end, but if we do get there and it's not an outcome I can accept, I'm okay with dying over that. It's never scared me.
[he mulls that over for a few long seconds, looking. . . pensive]
I can only really speak for myself, but-- [breathes out as he chooses his words carefully]
I'm not naive. I know that despite what we're all saying, the deck might be way too stacked against us for us to overcome it. But if I think about that, or if I say, "but if we don't win then I'm okay with dying," then it feels like I'm letting my fear get to me.
Because I am afraid. Who wouldn't be. . .?
[a pause]
So I need to dedicate my all to fighting. I'm not the kind of guy who'll do something I believe is wrong for a bigger cause either-- [lol Akira doesn't know about his Reap self] -- but I am the kind of person who goes down swinging.
[which is why he doesn't let himself think about what might happen if all of their fighting winds up for naught]
[Yeah, and Akira doesn't need to know about his Reap self. It seems like it's better if he doesn't. Maybe he'll have to watch the movie sometime, but until then.]
We don't have to talk about losing, then. We can just plan on winning. I just don't want to half plan. I don't want to keep half my mind on how to salvage things if they go bad. I can't let friends of mine die, but I can't let everybody I knew from back there die either. If I can't do both, I just - I won't choose.
[. . . HECK. the way Akira kind of blinks in surprise at that compliment makes it clear that he isn't used to being told these sorts of things]
[a small flicker of guilt appears in his eyes as well, because. . . well. Magnus seems like a good guy. it kind of really sucks that he doesn't remember what they went through back in the Shibuya afterlife]
Well-- I, ah. . . thanks.
[sheepish!!]
I'd like to live up to what you remember of me while we're here, too.
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I don't want to think about any other option, either. The ending where only a few people win and can only take a few people home with them is bullshit.
[he hisses that word]
I'd say it's "all or nothing," but I'm not going to accept "nothing," either.
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[Is he being sarcastic? Apparently no?]
Yeah, I love it. I'm down!
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Is that a promise?
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Yeah, it is. It's about time!
[Everybody's talking about we'll win, but it's somehow easier for him to accept where there's a plan b, die. He's down to die!]
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[god he hopes that never happens]
"It's about time?" What's that supposed to mean?
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[Getting real?]
If I wasn't partnered to Taako in the Reaper Game, if he didn't need me, I probably would have gone out swinging the first week, when somebody innocent got executed.
I know better now, I know we have to ride it out and live to the end, but if we do get there and it's not an outcome I can accept, I'm okay with dying over that. It's never scared me.
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[. . .]
[he mulls that over for a few long seconds, looking. . . pensive]
I can only really speak for myself, but-- [breathes out as he chooses his words carefully]
I'm not naive. I know that despite what we're all saying, the deck might be way too stacked against us for us to overcome it. But if I think about that, or if I say, "but if we don't win then I'm okay with dying," then it feels like I'm letting my fear get to me.
Because I am afraid. Who wouldn't be. . .?
[a pause]
So I need to dedicate my all to fighting. I'm not the kind of guy who'll do something I believe is wrong for a bigger cause either-- [lol Akira doesn't know about his Reap self] -- but I am the kind of person who goes down swinging.
[which is why he doesn't let himself think about what might happen if all of their fighting winds up for naught]
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[Yeah, and Akira doesn't need to know about his Reap self. It seems like it's better if he doesn't. Maybe he'll have to watch the movie sometime, but until then.]
We don't have to talk about losing, then. We can just plan on winning. I just don't want to half plan. I don't want to keep half my mind on how to salvage things if they go bad. I can't let friends of mine die, but I can't let everybody I knew from back there die either. If I can't do both, I just - I won't choose.
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[he does laugh though, another breathless sound laced with all of that exhaustion]
You're a tough guy, Magnus.
[he can't help but admire that]
So-- yeah. Let's plan on winning.
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[So yeah, he agrees.]
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[a small flicker of guilt appears in his eyes as well, because. . . well. Magnus seems like a good guy. it kind of really sucks that he doesn't remember what they went through back in the Shibuya afterlife]
Well-- I, ah. . . thanks.
[sheepish!!]
I'd like to live up to what you remember of me while we're here, too.