Brent looks like a dingus. Couldn't wake yourself up, huh, dongus? Couldn't get out of bed in time for the party, Barney?
[ He'll keep moving down the rows, entertaining himself with insulting each sleeping face and maybe adding a few minor illusions for funsies - a couple of moustaches and L's on foreheads - before he runs out of steam. This is getting a little depressing. ]
Anyone interesting? Or should I skip right to magicking us up a shortcut.
[ He has a spell ready, if they wanted. Mostly just checking to see if Magnus is ready or wants to dick around for a few more minutes before it gets real up in here.]
Yeah, Brody fucking sucks. [Following him and drawing some smiley faces into the frosted glass of the pods with his finger.] There's a guy in that one who looks like he's got a kind of funny tattoo, but besides that, nah.
[Claps his hands like he's getting impatient.] Magic, garçon!
Coming right up, just one more problem easily solved by being a wizard!
[ He pauses to concentrate, sticking his tongue out a little as he casts Locate Creature, concentrating on locating a specific creature known to him. That is, specifically a one-armed dwarf who keeps losing his items - it seems like the safest bet to maybe find Merle first, before forcing himself to concentrate on other, more problematic visions to guide him. He starts to spin around slowly, using the Umbrastaff as a kind of compass needle that points in the direction. Which is, for now, forward. He starts walking off, eyes still closed and letting the spirit or whatever move him.]
[Following him! Occasionally gripping him by the shoulders and slightly reorienting him so he doesn't walk directly into a wall. Also occasionally waving his hand in front of his face to see if he notices.]
[He does notice, and Magnus' hand gets swatted out of the way every time. He seems to interrupt himself a few times, stopping and turning in a circle before continuing on, or doubling back for no reason, but eventually the end of the Umbra Staff whips around and rams directly into a pod - shoving the handled end into Taako's stomach with a short oof as he seems to snap out of whatever he was doing.]
[Immediately peering into this particularly short freezer pod. Yep, that sure is Merle in there. This abruptly stopped being very funny and started being sad.]
I feel like we should do something...? Maybe, uh, like, a nice Get Well Soon banner and some flowers? Do you have any glitter pens?
Oh. Huh. There he is. [ Yeah, it sure did turn into a bummer in here real fast. Scooching in to take a look too, face pressed to the glass. He taps on the pod a little too - as if he might just be taking a heavy nap and needs to be woken up like the sad dad he is. When that brilliant plan doesn't work, he steps back, patting down his pockets. ]
Well, they weren't technically listed in my inventory, but you never know. Hold on. [ Turning his pockets inside out. A whole bunch of stuff clatters to the floor - empty gogurt tubes, a couple of jewels (origin unknown), and, yep, some glitter pens roll out too. ] Got you covered.
I'm not saying we should encourage his, uh, morning wood issue, but maybe we just leave 'em out here like a prize sort of situation? A tempting treat to get him out of the nap zone?
[However, actually getting flowers might be another issue. Unless he's getting up in the next hour anything illusory is just gonna fade away. Not at all questioning Magnus' shirt-banner plan, seems reasonable. What else were they gonna use?]
We've only got so much shirt and more banners to write - so short and sweet. "That'll Do, Pig."?
[ Yeah, it seems like the right message. Also, he'll definitely know it's these assholes. Reaching in to start helping with the glitter pen writing - adding a few stars and doodles to spice it up a bit.]
Yeah, lazy bones. [Knocking on the glass again.] You hear that, Merle? You can't get frisky with the foliage until you get your ass up, my man. Better hurry up with whatever weird tentacle dream you're stirring around in there.
[There, it looks pretty. It says 'That'll Do Pig' and then in smaller letters at the bottom it says 'By the way when you wake up you get to be Goose!' Hanging it up above the pod, few above the height Merle would be able to actually reach.]
What do you think? Is that going to do the trick? Should we sign it? I mean, he needs to know it was from us, right?
[ Standing back to observe and nodding in approval. It looks good. It's high art, honestly.]
You'd look at that and think there's any question about who left it? Anyway, he's not getting my autograph for free, he can pay for it like the rest of you. Thinks he can just get free gifts for waking up from a nap.
[There's another short pod close by, which is the next one Taako peers into - he has a safe bet about who might be inside.]
Hey there, magic boy. Couldn't, uh, whip up a little Blink or anything to get out of there? Show some self-motivation? Kids these days.
[He sounds like he's being a shithead, but there is definitely fondness in there. Each face is kind of worse than the last.]
[He can't actually goof around about this one. Sure, he can tease Angus to his face, but behind his back he's just a kid, and shouldn't be in this situation. It makes him too angry to think about Angus being hurt by the Storm - and there wasn't anything Magnus could do about it. Without Darma...]
Hah. Yeah. [Good effort. Clenching a fist a little. Sorry he's so extra.] Tough break, kiddo.
[Yeah! He is! He is being extremely extra right now when Taako's just trying to sort out some complex feelings with some light ribbing of a frozen child? It makes it extremely difficult to not take this seriously when Magnus is taking it so stone cold and he is bumming out this whole area.]
Not to turn this whole thing into a weird sort of post-apocalypse shrine situation, but you think he'd feel left out if we didn't leave a banner for him too?
Hmmm, pretty good, pretty good. I like it. Could inspire something in Merle too. Or, one at the bottom that says "Look up!" and one near the ceiling that says "Look down!" and we see how long he stays here! On the other hand he could get trapped forever, seems dangerous.
[ Procrastinating a little is a little bit of a understatement. Taako picks up a glitter pen and sits on the floor to start decorating, but instead just . . . sits there. Wiggling the glitter pen in his hand and staring at the blank shirt/banner. ]
It's a big decision? Really, uh, sets the tone. For this whole arc, you know?
[Yeah. It is. But he gets that this is procrastination, too. And it's tempting to do that, but he doesn't want to. If someone is going to have to be brave, it's going to be Magnus. That's why he scribbles:
You Must Be This Tall To Enter:
(P.S. This Was Funnier, But Magnus Fucked It Up.]
I get you. But I don't have that many ideas? What do you think?
[Turns out the tone of this arc was already set, and it's called Avoiding Your Sadness At All Costs, the Taako and Magnus Story. It airs on Lifetime this Friday at 8. Taako half heartedly adds a few stars and swirls to this banner too - so Angus doesn't feel left out - but it's clear he knows what's coming. Going to just sit on the floor for a minute more though.]
That'll do, pig.
[Clicking the cap back on his glitter pen and returning it to his pocket. It's do or die time.
[Patting him on top of the head like he's a very talented pig who he would never cook and eat. It's sweet, but also very stupid. He picks up the shitty banner and affixes it above Ango's pod.]
Come on. Lots to see, and I only have so much shirt left.
If you say so! Looks like we've got plenty of shirt to me.
[And with that, every Horny Boy has been Babe'd, so they can officially check that one off the list. He has one last sigh as he contemplates how he could just take a run for the door, but the moment has clearly passed. Standing up though, to move onto the next pod - this time he's going to let Magnus look in first. He had to brave the last time, so maybe you rush in this one buddy.]
[Can do! He hurries ahead, peering into the nearby ice box. Who we got? He's hoping for someone low stakes - Killian, maybe, someone he can be happy to see without it being complicated.
You ask for complicated, and you get complicated.]
Oh, it's the Direc- I mean, Lucretia. [He looks at Taako, unsure. His feelings on the Director are pretty simple - he liked her, didn't know if they could trust her, learned the answer was a big maybe. The choice she made sounds like it was pretty messed up, and he doesn't love the lies, but also, if her intentions were in the right place, he can't be too angry? It turns out she took a lot from him, but he doesn't know enough about what she took to miss it, and in its place are things that matter to him too much to regret. Julia, Raven's Roost, the Bureau, even Taako and Merle -- it's hard to think that a century of new memories about Taako and Merle would be more meaningful than the memories he already has.
But he doesn't know how to expect Taako will feel about her. They're friends, right?]
[ Taako's feeling aren't any less complicated. He's angry, that much he knows, but it's not the same boiling point it was before this place - where the anger has had to chance to set in and settle to the bottom while he deals with all the other bullcrap coming at him from every direction. What was a sharp pain has dulled to numbness instead - though taking this little field trip is doing a pretty fine job of tearing out the stitches. Bury it friggin' deep.
This would be easier to explain if he'd gotten around to sharing the memories he had with Magnus, maybe explain some of his weirdness about this, but avoidance has yet again come to bite him in the ass. It isn't as if she's in any place to explain. It isn't as if he's in any place to listen to any explanation. For now, it just is. Any sort of forgiveness or discussion of it would have to wait. He just shrugs his shoulders and doesn't bother looking inside. ]
I don't have shit to, uh, say to her, so. [If you want a banner for her, you're on your own, Mango.]
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[ He'll keep moving down the rows, entertaining himself with insulting each sleeping face and maybe adding a few minor illusions for funsies - a couple of moustaches and L's on foreheads - before he runs out of steam. This is getting a little depressing. ]
Anyone interesting? Or should I skip right to magicking us up a shortcut.
[ He has a spell ready, if they wanted. Mostly just checking to see if Magnus is ready or wants to dick around for a few more minutes before it gets real up in here.]
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[Claps his hands like he's getting impatient.] Magic, garçon!
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[ He pauses to concentrate, sticking his tongue out a little as he casts Locate Creature, concentrating on locating a specific creature known to him. That is, specifically a one-armed dwarf who keeps losing his items - it seems like the safest bet to maybe find Merle first, before forcing himself to concentrate on other, more problematic visions to guide him. He starts to spin around slowly, using the Umbrastaff as a kind of compass needle that points in the direction. Which is, for now, forward. He starts walking off, eyes still closed and letting the spirit or whatever move him.]
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You have arrived at your destination.
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I feel like we should do something...? Maybe, uh, like, a nice Get Well Soon banner and some flowers? Do you have any glitter pens?
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Well, they weren't technically listed in my inventory, but you never know. Hold on. [ Turning his pockets inside out. A whole bunch of stuff clatters to the floor - empty gogurt tubes, a couple of jewels (origin unknown), and, yep, some glitter pens roll out too. ] Got you covered.
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[Looking around for any paper to make a banner with -- he doesn't see any, so instead he just starts pulling off his shirt.]
What should we write? We definitely want Merle to know it was from us. Maybe no flowers, though, on second thought.
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[However, actually getting flowers might be another issue. Unless he's getting up in the next hour anything illusory is just gonna fade away. Not at all questioning Magnus' shirt-banner plan, seems reasonable. What else were they gonna use?]
We've only got so much shirt and more banners to write - so short and sweet. "That'll Do, Pig."?
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[He tears a big banner shaped strip out of the shirt, and starts using the glitter pens to write up a message in big letters.]
We can save the flowers for now, something for later, if he needs it.
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Yeah, lazy bones. [Knocking on the glass again.] You hear that, Merle? You can't get frisky with the foliage until you get your ass up, my man. Better hurry up with whatever weird tentacle dream you're stirring around in there.
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What do you think? Is that going to do the trick? Should we sign it? I mean, he needs to know it was from us, right?
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You'd look at that and think there's any question about who left it? Anyway, he's not getting my autograph for free, he can pay for it like the rest of you. Thinks he can just get free gifts for waking up from a nap.
[There's another short pod close by, which is the next one Taako peers into - he has a safe bet about who might be inside.]
Hey there, magic boy. Couldn't, uh, whip up a little Blink or anything to get out of there? Show some self-motivation? Kids these days.
[He sounds like he's being a shithead, but there is definitely fondness in there. Each face is kind of worse than the last.]
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Hah. Yeah. [Good effort. Clenching a fist a little. Sorry he's so extra.] Tough break, kiddo.
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Not to turn this whole thing into a weird sort of post-apocalypse shrine situation, but you think he'd feel left out if we didn't leave a banner for him too?
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Yeah, obviously we gotta do one for Ango. What're you thinking? You must be this tall to get unfrozen?
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[Are they procrastinating? They're procrastinating a little.]
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It's a big decision? Really, uh, sets the tone. For this whole arc, you know?
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You Must Be This Tall To Enter:
(P.S. This Was Funnier, But Magnus Fucked It Up.]
I get you. But I don't have that many ideas? What do you think?
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That'll do, pig.
[Clicking the cap back on his glitter pen and returning it to his pocket. It's do or die time.
Is it too late to make a run for the exit.]
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[Patting him on top of the head like he's a very talented pig who he would never cook and eat. It's sweet, but also very stupid. He picks up the shitty banner and affixes it above Ango's pod.]
Come on. Lots to see, and I only have so much shirt left.
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[And with that, every Horny Boy has been Babe'd, so they can officially check that one off the list. He has one last sigh as he contemplates how he could just take a run for the door, but the moment has clearly passed. Standing up though, to move onto the next pod - this time he's going to let Magnus look in first. He had to brave the last time, so maybe you rush in this one buddy.]
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You ask for complicated, and you get complicated.]
Oh, it's the Direc- I mean, Lucretia. [He looks at Taako, unsure. His feelings on the Director are pretty simple - he liked her, didn't know if they could trust her, learned the answer was a big maybe. The choice she made sounds like it was pretty messed up, and he doesn't love the lies, but also, if her intentions were in the right place, he can't be too angry? It turns out she took a lot from him, but he doesn't know enough about what she took to miss it, and in its place are things that matter to him too much to regret. Julia, Raven's Roost, the Bureau, even Taako and Merle -- it's hard to think that a century of new memories about Taako and Merle would be more meaningful than the memories he already has.
But he doesn't know how to expect Taako will feel about her. They're friends, right?]
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This would be easier to explain if he'd gotten around to sharing the memories he had with Magnus, maybe explain some of his weirdness about this, but avoidance has yet again come to bite him in the ass. It isn't as if she's in any place to explain. It isn't as if he's in any place to listen to any explanation. For now, it just is. Any sort of forgiveness or discussion of it would have to wait. He just shrugs his shoulders and doesn't bother looking inside. ]
I don't have shit to, uh, say to her, so. [If you want a banner for her, you're on your own, Mango.]
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Oh no. How sad. He died.
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🚨 Sad Boy Alert 🚨
🚨 please send help trapped on sad boy island SOS 🚨
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